Missing it.

Times like this, I wish things were different, I wish he didn’t leave us, I wish life was easier, I wish it was all simple. 


But wishing just doesn’t work, life isn’t easy, loosing people is an everyday task, constantly saying what if, how does it work, how do you realise what’s happening or how to deal with a loss of a loved one. Everyday is a hard task because you don’t want too feel too happy without them around and you don’t want too be too upset too let them down. 

Loosing my dad was the hardest thing I ever had to endure in my teens. Watching in whilst the most evilist disease took him bit by bit, seeing the man you once knew as so powerful and independent so weak and helpless, would you do anything too take away that pain? I know I would have too save him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even begin to know how it feels, how scary it is, how worrying it was. I just wish I could make sense of it, but no matter how much you think and talk about a situation like that, how do you overcome the sadness? Remembering every detail, such as when you got told, when you saw everything, when they left your world, knowing your going to have to be without them forever. It scares you. It rips you apart, not even being on your own helps, because your fighting your own demons, in that time of need who turns too who? I can’t help but feel responsible but it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but I let him go, this could be the most depressing thing you read today, or this week but this is real life, this is facts, everyone goes through loss, and everyone needs help, smiling at a random stranger could just do so much, you could save that one persons life. Stopping to help a person in need could make a difference, even looking after a terminally ill person would be grateful. I know that all the people that helped me and my family are diamonds, people you cannot ever erase. But they made it all worth it, they made it easier in the long run, I can’t say you’ll ever come too terms with a loss, but it gets easier to deal with.


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